“I don’t know what all the fuss is about” she said, sipping her third coffee of the morning.

“My loyal followers can rest assured – I’ve simply changed my address.

“Everyone’s here on the bus as usual and Mr Amin, Mr Hitler & Mr Manson send their regards – they’re playing a lovely game called water boarding or something” she went on.

With a decoy event in taking place to take the pressure off her at this difficult time, Mrs Thatcher has been confirmed in the FCA starting line up for today’s big tournament at PeteMurrayfield – “Margaret Thatcher’s Ashes”.

Champagne, A minute’s vuvuzela and turning Big Ben back on are on the menu whilst the debate over whether to burn her little plastic figure is still ongoing.

Guest list includes Mr Murray, Mr Moore, Mr Whitmore, Mr Lewis and Mr Boakes – Mr Bruce has promised to turn up ‘to watch’.